WARNING: Sexual Content

In this dream I had the experience of the sequence of plot points, then I met with some friends soon after to recount the events.  I won’t go through everything twice here, however, for the sake of brevity.

In a nutshell: I was having a pleasant afternoon with a really cute blond girl and it seemed to be promising, so far as dates go.  She was foreign, like eastern European or ex-Soviet bloc, which was detectable just from her accent; I didn’t have any other context about her.  She was accompanied by her mother, at least for some part of the time.  As we had more dialogue, it felt like real ‘quality time’ and I felt my affection growing for her.  Then I saw a green digital status bar like might be on a computer loading screen to indicate the progress of a download or program installation, which was off to the side and roughly 40% complete.  I seemed to be so encouraged by how well it was going that I suddenly started behaving as if I was certain the status bar would soon go all the way to complete, i.e. I began thinking the relationship with this girl would be life long, probably lead to a marriage, etc. I think that belief became apparent and gradually more obvious in my demeanor with her, and she seemed to acquiesce to that idea more than reciprocate it– she certainly didn’t try to slow things down.

Suddenly we were about to have some sex.  She was completely naked on her back with her legs up, and I gently patted and rubbed around her genital area with my erection, just as a playful way to build a little anticipation before going into the intercourse; in this context it seemed that the intercourse would be symbolic of consummating the idea of the relationship.  Just then she turned her head to the side and gave a look that I described briefly to my friends as a “WHAT-everrr”, which came with a bit of a huff and an eye-roll.  She obviously wasn’t pleased, but I couldn’t be exactly sure what was in my behavior that caused that reaction.  Maybe she thought the little patty-cake was rude because it had some resemblance to a porno move, so perhaps she suddenly felt like I was overly objectifying her?  Maybe she thought sex wasn’t supposed to be fun? Maybe it just wasn’t fun for her in that way? I don’t know, so I paused for a moment to give her the opportunity to express something, anything, about where/how/why it suddenly went ‘off’ for her.  But she didn’t; instead she seemed to want to just get on with going through with the act– just do it.

Nope. In that moment I felt like her tack was completely toxic and unforgivable.  I said “That’s something I never want to see again.  We’re finished!” Granted, it was probably a bit rash for me to terminate everything right then and there, but in essence I realized there would be no future for the two of us together with that style of communication and handling of conflict in the relationship.  Sure, there’s opportunity for counselling, and people can be forgiven for occasionally slipping into juvenile patterns of behavior, but I knew I would not ever believe that patience for her to mature would be worth it; I had no trust that she would ever come around.  So she simply wasn’t a good match for me– in the long term, or ever– there was no point in going a single step further.

She left in another huff and yelled back at me that she had just fucked a little brown man, trying to make me feel jealous, but obviously just making herself look worse.

As I recounted the story to my friends it was without all the commentary and detail– just matter-of-fact: we did this… I saw the green bar… she did that…  then I said that, and that was it.  When I mentioned the aspect of how I killed the relationship so abruptly my friends basically erupted with surprise “BAAaaaaa”, then gave encouragement (a veritable pat on the back), then admiration (props– you’re a role model).

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