I was on the phone with a girl.  The context seemed like I had somehow had a brief encounter with her before, which I alluded to in this conversation, but there wasn’t much rapport or intimacy there yet.  I was trying to propose or suggest something like a date with her, something similar to the circumstances from the last time, which was some kind of art project in a public area.  The way I put it was somewhat timid, “I was wondering… If you’re going to be working on that project or some other project, I’d love to hang out or even help out.”  I envisioned mixing paint, rinsing brushes, etc, to assist in the process while she did the creative stuff.  She politely declined.  I felt some disappointment in the rejection, but not burned or too down about it.

There was a transition, then suddenly I was observing a mid-20’s girl on the street, perhaps at the bottom of some steps, outside in the daytime.  She was kinda cute, fit, long brown hair, dressed up like for a summer time date.  She addressed my fraternity brother, Dave, to get some help with an art project, by first expressing some kind of unsuredness or naivete, saying “I dunno, I haven’t been vaccinated…” like maybe she hadn’t formed a conclusive opinion or had a definitive position about the situation yet.  She was wanting Dave to show or instruct her about how to do some specific task of arranging small squares of colored tape on a white frisbee.  I think one piece was blue; maybe another was red.  

I recall feeling a bit of frustration in that moment because I felt like the sticker locations were almost completely arbitrary– definitely not something anyone would need actual help with, in my opinion, since it was a matter of personal preference and not something that was definitively right or wrong.  I got the sense that she was feigning helplessness in order to lure Dave into a relationship, as he would be quick to offer his personal prescription, be her little hero in this case.  So my mind just went into a contemplation of doubting she really wanted to know what great quality would look like in these things– if so, why not get the help of a legit expert like myself?  She clearly just (knowingly or unknowingly) wanted to create a relationship dynamic with Dave, at which point I felt that feeling of sickness with all of that nonsense.  Is low confidence and helplessness ever attractive? No.  Would one want a relationship based on these repeating roles of the damsel and the hero/fixer when it came to the job of managing household, day-to-day stuff?  Never.  But I don’t think Dave really thought on that level because he was of the belief that his personal preferences would always be best for her too; afterall, that’s what she likes, right?   It was one of these situations that makes me scratch my head about people and their blind spots when getting into relationships and the prospects for long term success once these codependent patterns start repeating.

Without any further thought, suddenly I was in an indoor place for a party, which was apparently in celebration of Dave and this girl’s coming marriage.  There were a bunch of other guys there who I recognized as being from my college fraternity.  The main thing of note was two pieces of poster-board on the wall, one directly above the other.  The top one was the one which I had made, which was composed of a few sentences of well-wishing for Dave and his bride-to-be, and their coming relationship voyage.  There was a contraption like a typical overhead projector pointed at the poster which magnified the words when looked through, such that it blew up the typical 24” sheet to something which appeared to be as big as the entire wall.  I noticed the handwritten lettering appeared to have some irregularity in the size, such as when someone adopts a slightly larger font mid-sentence or mid-paragraph as their focus or emotions fluctuate, thus impacting their hand.  I thought it made my poster appear a bit sloppy or unprofessional, which gave me a brief moment of feeling shy or embarrassed about the quality.  But then I went around the projector to look at the poster up close.  I realized that the writing was actually pretty tight and uniform in consistency, so it was the lens which had given it the irregular appearance.

Then I noticed the second poster underneath mine, but I don’t recall as much detail about the content. I just remember that it was more sparse in terms of total content, that it was pink, and more attention had been put on making it pretty than mine.  There was a row of equally-spaced small shiny reflective foil diamonds pasted underneath the short paragraph. Under that was the name of the person who had made the poster, written larger than anything else, “Anoub.”

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