In that ½-dream-½-awake state, I was in a type of stream of thought, seeing how a particular situation was ‘adding up’ or building toward a convergent outcome, like in a novel where the setting and characters, conflict, pivotal decisions, in conjunction with all the context, was contributing to a culmination.  Just in the moment that it seemed like what was ‘cooking’ was becoming obvious, not only in awareness of connecting the dots but also being able to accurately illustrate the outcome, suddenly out of nowhere, to my right, I saw a figure waving a chainsaw.  It was like I was an author who had scripted a horror film and had inadvertently become a character who was about to get completely massacred by the monster.

I literally sprung out of bed, with my covers, shouting “WHAT the HELL?!” and threw the covers over the chair at the end of the bed, and dashed to turn on the lights.  Once I did that, I woke up a bit and realized I’d kicked something or stubbed my toe, and was just in a state of shock and confusion and a bit of a daze.  Then I went through a brief ‘processing’ where I felt a sense of resent for the fragility and absurdity of life sometimes; it was one of those ‘throw up your hands’ ideas where I felt like all this ‘extra-consciousness’ capability that humans possess to have a very rich non-physical existence, can be a bit cruel in a way.  All these ideas about ‘deliberate manifesting’, getting into ‘alignment’ with so much energy spent on calculation, commitment, discipline, sacrifice, etc, could just all get snuffed out in a moment by some apparently random and violent form of chaos.  I then felt like it just couldn’t be possible that all this careful building up of nearly 40 years in my life of learning, integrating, applying learning, and uncovering more, would come to some abrupt and unexpected violent act of terror.  I calmed down but still felt a bit ‘shook’.

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